Day 14 and a real look at myself

On the 13th day I basically didn’t care for the diet. When I woke up yesterday (the 14th day), I really felt like making up for it, I wanted to have the perfect day. Eating healthy and exercising. I did eat healthy and did the squats until I decided that I wanted to go out for dinner and basically ruined it. Also I didn’t drink the water. That’s two bad days in a row.

Today (15th), I feel so unmotivated to continue this. I haven’t even posted the plan for this week, but today would be exercise day. And I feel like skipping it so bad.

I won’t be losing weight if I just go back to my old habits. I won’t eat the food I like without feeling guilty if I try to lose weight.

It’s a matter of what I really want. Is food more important than feeling good in my own skin, feeling confident and being healthy?

I’m afraid that deep down the answer is yes.

And there’s no change possible if I don’t want to change.

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Adding a NEW GOAL

Not my image!

Good afternoon for everyone who’s reading this and lives in the GMT time zone, or good time-of-the-day-you’re-in for everyone else! 😀

It’s not all about the weight. This blog is supposed to track my journey into being a better person.

Weight is one of my biggest issues so I focus a lot on that, but I want to improve myself in other areas as well.

Soooo…. as a result, I am adding a NEW GOAL to my goals for the year.

I still live with my parents and I think I could make their lives easier and happier if I did a voluntary chore around the house every day (I do chores but only when my parents tell me to). This would make me a better person because:

  • I’m making my parents less stressed
  • I’m working out a little bit while doing the chores

Makes sense, right?

Ok, so at least 1 voluntary chore a day starting tomorrow.


What about you, reader?

Have you thought about the areas you need improvement on?

And what can you do about it?

Best of luck! 😀

Self sabotage?

Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting. These acts may seem helpful in the moment, but ultimately undermine us, especially when we engage in them repeatedly.

From PsychologyToday.com

I’ve noticed this earlier.

When I’m dieting I start getting this urge to cook or bake something delicious for others (yeah,right…).

I tell myself I can handle it but the problem is most of the times I can’t. And then I end up binging and feeling awful.

Why would I choose to put myself in that position?

Do I want to fail? Am I sabotaging myself? If so, why? That’s food for thought…

I spent all day thinking:

“I should bake a cake”

No, I shouldn’t!

I binged again.

Wow. I don’t know why I do it. It’s like I have this little demon that convinces me.

I was hungry so I ate a peach, really slowly (mindful eating). After 10 minutes, I was not hungry but I was not satisfied either.

I opened the bread container and thought: “it’s ok, I’ll just eat half a slice of bread. They say you shouldn’t deprive yourself from your favorite foods, right?”.

I sliced the bread and then I really felt like eating it all. My mind was shouting: “don’t waste food! If you only eat half of it, what will happen to the other half?”

“Ok, I’ll eat them both. But at least make them tasteful. Cheese and butter.”

I prepared the sandwich and stared at it. I knew exactly how I would feel 10 minutes later.

“You can’t NOT eat it now! It’s all done and ready to eat! Are you going to trow that in the garbage?!”

I offered my sister the sandwich but, sadly, she refused.

I put the sandwich in my mouth and froze for 10 seconds.

“Am I really going to eat this?”

“Of course! You just put it in your mouth!”

I took a bite off and it felt amazing. The taste of the butter made my taste buds dance. I finished the sandwich in less than 2 minutes and then I had another one. And an extra cheese slice.

😦

Rising again

Me at 74Kg. I'm currently 76.3kg

Me at 74Kg. I’m currently 76.3kg

I’m afraid to fail again. I’ve said “this is it” too many times before, only to find myself in the same reality 2 weeks later.
I’m afraid I don’t want this enough, like I suspect.
Even more afraid of making things worse. I don’t want to be even bigger.

Why is it so hard to stay motivated? I see before vs. after pictures and I wish I could have an after picture too. I wish there were more bloggers who shared how difficult it is to lose weight, and how they do it anyways. Because from here, it looks way easier than it really is.

“Our greatest glory is, not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

 Oliver Goldsmith

I’m rising once again.